walk the line
i just watched “walk the line”. It made me think of how hard it is to be straight. I don’t have any real strong addictions - but I’ll use food, beer, cigarettes, work to keep myself from being in a straight state of mind where there’s space for stuff to come up, for uninvited thoughts and feeling to arise.
I used to use food a lot more - but that’s changed over the last 3 years. I’m not sure why. I used to use reading all the time - now that’s replaced by the being online.
I love that feeling of starting something and knowing that I’m not going to think over the next few hours. Most often that’s having 2-3 beers but sometimes it can just be sitting down in front of a TV at my parents house (I haven’t lived with a television for years now). Both at the same time is a real numb-er. I don’t drink by myself more than once or twice a month, but I don’t kid myself about why I’m doing it.
I can usually tell how I’m feeling based on how long it’s been since I’ve gone on a walk by myself just for the sake of walking. I can only do that when I’m not too scared of being straight.
I guess I’m feeling pretty good these days because I’m off for a quick visit to the mountain. It’ll have to be short considering it’s late and I have a french test tomorrow.
February 13th, 2006 at 6:36 am
Did you ever tried sport ? :) (I know, walking is a sort of sport…)
February 13th, 2006 at 9:10 am
thank you for reminding me of such simple truths. *hug* i’ll tell you a secret in return…shhhh, don’t tell anyone but, “i wear socks with stripes too. they make me happy while i go on those walks by myself.”
February 13th, 2006 at 9:45 am
man oh man. there’s personal as in telling people about my addictions, and then there’s telling people about my penchant for pretty socks. I don’t know if i was ready for that step.
eeeevil!
:-)
sports? they are really helpful as mood alterers, and I can use them as a way of shifting focus away from something else, but they don’t make me numb/stoned like the other things do.
french test! i’m off.
February 13th, 2006 at 12:59 pm
hmmm… I didn’t get the “numb-er” in the post. Better understanding I have now…
February 13th, 2006 at 2:20 pm
wow, i didn’t know you had such a tendency to indulge. With socks too!Everything in moderation as they say. :)
and it’s funny, at first I thought your last sentence said “french toast” and I was going to be like “delicious, I love french toast!”… a french test isn’t quite as delicious.
February 13th, 2006 at 2:32 pm
“wow, i didn’t know you had such a tendency to indulge.”
I don’t think that I do. I’m not really sure, but I imagine that I do less of it than most people. I just think i’m more aware of that part of my life.
In terms of moderation - yes, being numb is not a bad state to enter every once in a while. Everyone needs a break from dealing. Nothing wrong with kicking your feet up once a week and having a couple glasses of wine in front of the tv. But it’s when those breaks start running into each other (work-eat-tv-sleep-work) that it becomes more problematic.
And I have no moderation when it comes to socks.
February 13th, 2006 at 4:06 pm
hmmm. interesting.
maybe i should see the movie.
hope your french ‘toast’ was delicious.
February 14th, 2006 at 3:58 pm
i have a picture somewhere of you and unmoderated socks…i’m going to have to look for it now… ;b